Which celebrity warlord should you serve in the post apocalypse? Part 3 Willy Smith Special
Like Rome before it, America is going to go bye bye. Hopefully in a nuclear big boom kind of way. Anyway, in Mad Max America you will need to pick a celebrity to obey. Let’s do a deep dive on the fresh prince himself, Will Smith.
WILL SMITH, THE ROCK SLAPPING ROYAL GHETTO HYENA
Best stats: Maturity, Patience, Restraint, Scientologist
Special skills: Woman Protector, Rapper
Women are the most precious resource to any civilization. Nuclear wasteland or not. Will Smith understands this better than anyone. Will Smith is a complicated man. For you non boomers, he is an A list movie star. That description alone is insufficient to capture the scale of this man. I believe it is best to introduce him with his own words. From his memoir and interviews. Brave words from his own Xenu loving mouth. By the way, Xenu will protect all scientologists from the apocalyptic event that ruins the world.
First off, Will does not consider he and Jada married in the traditional sense.
“We have given each other trust and freedom, with the belief that everybody has to find their own way. And marriage for us can’t be a prison. And I don’t suggest our road for anybody. I don’t suggest this road for anybody. But the experiences that the freedoms that we’ve given one another and the unconditional support, to me, is the highest definition of love,”- Will Smith, not coping, flourishing. Because of his superior mentality, he and his wife Jada Plinkett-Smith, are enjoying a different breed of marriage. Where Jada is breeding without Will.
But what about inbreeding?
“(Karyn Parsons) was smart enough to tell me ‘hell no’ when I tried to explain that we were not really cousins so it would be fine if we dated,”- Will Smith, respecting a female relative’s input. Sadly this behavior will be uncommon in the new world as incest will be a necessity. Thankfully, Will can definitely cross that bridge when he comes to it.
But Will Smith is a one woman man now. How did that start? With another man fucking her of course. We’ve all been there. Jada, I mean.
“I was in a room with Tupac on multiple occasions, but I never spoke to him. The way Jada loved ‘Pac rendered me incapable of being friends with him. I was too immature,”-Will Smith, talking about a deceased, inferior, rapper nobody. Jada was Tupac’s woman and Will patiently waited his turn. Like a gentleman incel.
Thankfully, Jada came to her senses. After Tupac was assassinated. That is coincidental, I assure you. Will is a kind man, he wouldn’t hurt a fly, and Jada is not a gold digger who simply picked the 2nd most famous black man in the world after losing the love of her life. She wrote a book of poems dedicated to Tupac after his death. That’s the end of it. The Tupac feelings are gone. Will Smith is not her ATM, not her silver medal. They are in truest love. Unfortunately, only those with Will Smith’s clarity can see that. Crazy people keep saying “Will, she’s not over Tupac, she only likes your money, fuck literally any other woman,”. Willy Smith knows to ignore those haters.
Will Smith is no stranger to heartbreak. It is another source of strength for him. And nausea.
“Up until this point in my life, I had only had sex with one woman other than Melanie (stinky hoe that cheated on Willy Smith). But over the next few months, I went full ghetto hyena…I desperately needed relief but as there is no pill for heartbreak, I resorted to the homeopathic remedies of shopping and rampant sexual intercourse. I had sex with so many women, and it was so constitutionally disagreeable to the core of my being, that I developed a psychosomatic reaction to having an orgasm. It would literally make me gag and sometimes even vomit. In every case, though, I hoped to God this beautiful stranger would be ‘the one’ who would love me, who would make this pain go away…But invariably, there I was, retching and wretched. And the look in the eyes of the women even further deepened my agony,”-Will Smith, bearing an unbearable cross that was his love quest.
Did you know female hyenas have bigger penises than the males? Will would be proud to be a hyena. Regardless, most human men agree, having casual sex with female groupies is icky. Painful and gross. Thankfully, he met Jada before he puked his balls off. Some idiots have suggested, “Having sex with women makes you sick? Are you gay, Will Smith? Does Jada hold that over your head?”. Ridiculous.
Some rock stars have had this problem. Too much pussy makes you sick. Ringo of the Beatles nearly died from it the summer after John Lennon was shot. Freddie Mercury wasn’t so lucky. Back to Will. Can you imagine having relations with the most beautiful women in the world and it disgusts you because it’s not your wife who refuses to really take your name? That’s the kind of man Will Smith is. Compassionate. Understanding. Caring. Kind. Empathetic. Devoted.
In the 90s there was no bigger hero than Will Smith because Arnold Schwarzenegger stopped starring in good movies. Will Smith made classic summer blockbusters like Wild Wild West instead of the Matrix. Both of which are sadly long forgotten. Not to mention The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. In the show he played a dickhead that always got away with shit because he was such a lovable rascal. He is the king of “I guess I liked it when I saw it back in the day but I really don’t feel like going out of my way to watch it again” movies. Do I even need to mention his rap music? Do I? Cause that was his first thing. Tupac would be jealous.
Also, he stars in Oscar bait movies that so-called men sadly do not watch. Most importantly, there is no man on earth that is a better defender of women than Will Smith. The fresh prince of bel air is the only choice if you identify as a birthing person. Just ask his wife Jada. Will Smith let Jada make a show where she talks about her “entanglements” (hot sex with not Willy Smith). The most famous of which is rapper August Alsina, or as Will calls him “Augie” or “Sir”.
“The definition of entanglement (Huh, oh, oh)
It’s when you’re tangled in the sheets (Yeah, yeah)
Girl, I know that we don’t call it a relationship (No, oh, oh)
But you’re still fuckin’ with me (Oh), yeah (Yeah)
Entanglements is when you tangled in them sheets
Entanglements is when you’re tangled up with me
Entanglements (The number one’s here) is when you’re gettin’ in too deep (It’s the Biggest)”- August Alsina’s hit song: ‘Entanglements’.
August has a passing resemblance to Tupac and is the same age as Jada’s son. He was one of her son’s friends. Just a fun fact. Doesn’t affect anything. Will Smith is not married to a child groomer. Don’t be silly.
Will then guest starred on Jada’s entanglement power hour. Will’s failures in the bedroom were obviously the topic. Then their children (allegedly Will’s) guest starred on it. There’s a man who knows what women want. One would think a man would be bitter about all this. Maybe feel spiteful and angry. A small man would feel that way. A small man would think his wife hates him for not being Tupac. That she is humiliating him in front of the whole world for her own gigantic ego. That she’s daring him to divorce her. A prenup is the only reason she hasn’t left already even though he’s already lost her. Maybe he never had her. Because she’s a fucking evil cunt that deserves a smack or two. Not Will. He’s a big man. He understands women’s needs and respects them.
That’s why he slapped the Rock. No, not Dwayne Johnson. The professional wrestler three times the size Will is in every way. That’d be foolish. The other one, Chris Rock, the white man’s Dave Chapelle. He’s a skinny piece of shit. Who hates women. That’s why he’s divorced from his bitch wife, unlike Will. Chris Rock wears a false smile like all divorced rich men. Such a sad empty, pitiful life Chris Rock must lead behind the scenes. Probably having sex that makes him sick with random women half his age.
Chris Rock, a so-called comedy man, hosted the 2022 Oscars. For those who don’t know (super straight men). The Oscars are the largest gathering in the world of virtuous pedophiles and Mel Gibson. They would jack each other off over who played pretend the best. Then go do satanic sex cult stuff with cyborg Walt Disney and George Soros. This is well documented but the bombs dropped before anyone could do anything about it. Damn shame. Anyway, Chris Rock thought, because he’s a millionaire from telling jokes, it would be funny to point out Jada is bald by referencing a movie no one has ever seen. Wrong. Disgusting misogyny. Pure white supremacy.
Admittedly, Will laughed at first, we all make mistakes. He pitied the clown. Then his queen set him straight. She probably quoted some scientology life advice. Deep shit. Wise words delivered by a wiser woman. Part of maturity is taking another’s input and changing your mind. So, Will took Jada’s wise womanly input and put his hand in Chris Rock’s insensitive face. Will slapped instead of punched because a Willy punch would’ve killed that weak evil bitch boy known as Chris Rock. That stupid zebra fuck. Go back to Madagascar and get booty blasted by Ben Stiller in a lion costume.
Post slap, Will Smith immediately sat back down in his throne next to his queen. Chris Rock protested at first, in spite of his now broken jaw. Will Smith swore and cried Chris Rock into submission. Chris Rock didn’t dare say, “Looks like we got into an entanglement here huh, Will?”. That would be suicide as Will Smith’s tears would’ve flooded the building killing every single pedophile in the world. During the commercial several celebrities comforted Will. Wiping away his tears the way Jada wipes Augie’s semen off herself.
60% of Americans correctly believed this is the most noble and masculine thing ever caught on live TV. This is because poverty makes Americans understand what’s really important. Slap fights over an elderly woman. The Oscars asked a crying Willy to leave. Assault is something the academy frowns upon. #oscarssowhite. He said no and they gave up. Like how Jada gives up to anyone that can rhyme and isn’t named “Will”. Quickly and without resistance. Then Willy included defending women into his Oscar acceptance speech minutes later. Tearfully. Will Smith taught Chris Rock a lesson. If you call his sex hyena wife’s hair cut stupid, he will slap you and cry. Like a real man. Not an overgrown child finally succumbing to cuck rage because he can’t beat his cheating bitch wife.
“I think Will Smith Overreacted,”- OJ Simpson, Footballer, Monster.
Positives:
If female: Will will protect you. Even from deadly jokes told by funnier black men. Which there will still be a lot of. Augie will probably be down to have an entanglement with you. He’s a good guy. Just ask Will.
If male: You can fuck Jada. Will will praise the entanglement as soon as tv stations are up and running again. Jada has made bringing back TV a priority mission for him. Augie will help you entangle her while Will looks through the debris for TV shit.
Negatives:
If you are a woman, Will won’t have sex with you. It’ll make his tummy hurt and Jada will be justifiably upset. Comedians will be a huge threat to your tribe. All the enemy has to do is point out one of the most famous men in the world is not having sex, but his wife is. If done in a clever way, Will will not be able to do anything effective besides slap the evil joke teller and cry. That can be problematic if the comedian is a man bigger than him or if the new world allows female comedians. Fingers crossed.
https://news.yahoo.com/smith-reveals-vomit-sex-10-230000133.html
https://genius.com/August-alsina-and-rick-ross-entanglements-lyrics